Dealing with fear, grief and rage.
And a list of mostly offline things that have made me happy this month.
“On a scale of 1 to Brittney Spears, the United States of America is currently somewhere in between head shaving and butcher knife dancing.”
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You know that Al Pacino movie with all the cocaine? In particular, the scene where he’s at the top of the stairs shooting his massive gun? Well, I keep imagining myself as Al Pacino. Only instead of the gun, I’m shooting milk out of my massive breastfeeding knockers all over those MAGA motherf*ckers and billionaire circle jerkers. And no, it’s not a sexy kink (not this time) because my breastmilk kind of burns them and then magically turns them back into the subservient basement dwelling incel dweebs that they truly are… instead of, you know, the super f*cking powerful rulers of the “free” (lols) world.
You all, I’ve been feeling a lot of fear, grief and rage. For fun, I combine these words to make made up northern European words (e.g. furågöngrefen). I figure that since those northern Europeans are up there being all happy and socialist, with their canned fish, health care, and OG cold plunges and saunas (not our wellness bro remix kind), that they won’t mind that I’m being kind of problematic with their languages.
Sometimes, if I’m really able to be present, I can actually tune out the dystopian mess and just focus on the baby shit that I seem to be constantly covered in. Based on the level of post-poo-explosion meltdown I had yesterday, however, I’d say the clogged up large intestine of a political/societal situation that we are currently trapped in is still always front of mind. Note: That particular meltdown moment will, most likely, reappear for my kid in some inner child ketamine regression therapy thing that she attends in her late 30s:
Someone in my kid’s group energy healing circle in 2061: I’m sensing that you have a blockage in your higher chakras and I’m feeling into this image, maybe a memory, of a very toxic tired woman screaming into the air, at no one, that she CAN’T DO THIS. Should we do some kundalini to clear that woman’s bad vibes from your inner psychic shadow field?
… until then, I’ll just let the guilt of being a bad mum eat away at me slowly. No worries, we’re all good over here.
It was also Invasion/Survival Day yesterday, a day that marks the beginning of dispossession, genocide and the continued oppression of First Nations people (read more HERE). But many in Australia celebrate the day as Australia day. There is ongoing debate around changing the date, however, support is apparently declining. So, we’re just gonna keep celebrating our footy and cricket and lamb and beer and f*ckin footy on this exact day mate rather than acknowledge settler colonialism and genocide… honestly, we’re a bunch of c*nts…
Oooop, there goes that fernegarågen again.
And breathe.
One of my nearest and dearests, who is an amazing performance artist and phenomenologist, wrote me the other day and reminded me that living our life is a form of resistance, and that our gratitude for one another is also resistance. I like this a lot. His words were a sweet reminder of the importance of hope, staying true to ourselves, fighting for one another, fighting for the Earth and loving each other.
bell hooks says that love is an action. I think hope is too.
For me, hope is letting myself feel all of the fear, grief and rage and then channelling that energy into fighting and loving harder. Hope also looks like building and strengthening community, working on my ability to be in conflict (sheeesh do I suck at that! I’ll take book recs if you have them), and working on being a better ally. And hope definitely looks like raising one bad arse of the most bad arse of bad arsery kids in all of the land that has ever been so hey billionaire bros (plus a special shout out to podcast bros), f*ck off.
And breeeeeathe.
Pause.
BOOB SPRAY FROM THE TOP OF THE STAIRS!!!!!
What does the action of hope look like for you?
And while we’re at it, what does the action of love look like?
*I’ve never seen that Al Pacino movie, which I googled and now know is Scarface. I’ve only ever seen the below Michael Bolton vs Lonely Island skit, which is still one of my favourite parts of the internet.
The book The Serviceberry: Abundance and Reciprocity in the Natural World by Robin Wall Kimmerer.
The book All Fours by Miranda July.
Perving on the Pacific Ocean.
Donating to VOCAL-KY who “build power among low-income people affected by HIV/AIDS, the drug war, mass incarceration, and homelessness in order to create healthy and just communities”.
Yayoi Kusama’s exhibition at the National Gallery (which I’ve been to twice so far).
The huge gap in my baby’s front teeth.
Attending the Showing Up For Racial Justice zoom event with guest speaker Dr. ANGELA DAVIS!!!!
Kind of dramatically deleting my Instagram and Facebook. I posted, F*ck you Zuck to a soundtrack of Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt and then smoke bombed outta there.
Coffee.
Almond croissants.
Passion fruit.
Mango.
Dipping a spoon into a ripe cantaloupe.
Non-toxic reef-safe sunscreen.
Palm trees and pine trees.
Switching to soap bars over body wash, hand soap, and shampoo.
Hearing about my friend’s back in Louisville doing cozy snow day things.
My community supported agriculture box of organic veggies and sustainably raised meat, which I renewed for the 2025 season through Barr Farms.
Taking care of my baby’s curls and creating hair rituals that feel so tender.
Transferring my superannuation to Future Super (a super fund that does not invest in fossil fuels), and researching companies in the U.S. so that I can do the same with my 401k.
Thinking up ideas for a PhD (something along the lines of f*ck you patriarchy) and having a little dream about studying again.
Help for people in California:
A close friend sent me this to share.
Action: All share links to donate widely to your community and networks.
Displaced Latino Families:
I HOPE THAT YOU ARE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES
AND YOUR COMMUNITIES
LOTS OF LOVE XX
This email was composed where I am currently staying, which is the region now known as Melbourne, Victoria. I would, therefore, like to acknowledge the people of the Kulin Nation, Traditional Custodians of the land for which I am on. I pay my respects to their Elders past and present.
I acknowledge that for many First Nations Peoples in Australia, 26 January is a painful reminder of the invasion of their unceded lands and the onset of the Colonial Frontier Wars. It is a date that marks the beginning of First Nations dispossession, murder and oppression at the hands of colonial powers. I acknowledge the resilience, resistance and refusal of First Peoples in the face of that invasion, and their ongoing survival in the face of continuing settler colonialism.
Always was, always will be,
Aboriginal land.
You have perfectly captured the state of being of many women living in the US. I can't say most or all because there are those women that CHOOSe to believe the narrative of the patriarchy and support the broligarch. I totally agree that hope is still needed and must be held on to tightly... I often tell my daughter that without hope there is no life so as long as you can find one thing to give you hope, then it can build... I agree that raising the next generation of bad-assery boys and girls is paramount!!!! We need soldiers and allies... Here's to the next generations of Sarah Connors and Kyle Reeses... Let's get Skynet!!!
Here for the boob spray. I think that’s a wildly appropriate use of breastmilk. It will sustain us all.
Also trying not to fall into the despair of the dystopian present. I wonder if we in the U.S. will start thinking of 2025 Inauguration as a Survival Day. Not to diminish Australian experience—just given how hard the admin is working to dispossess even the natives of this land.