Motherhood is glorious, gargantuan, soul shifting, shit filled, awe-inspiring and sometimes awful. It's brutiful in all the ways, and mothers (of all kinds) are fucking warriors.
I can so relate and my baby is about to turn 19 :( and there are still times that I feel I am still failing. Thank you for sharing this and being so vulnerable. Incidentally, I am boob-deep in a discourse on motherhood on my podcast and some of these exact things are discussed. I'm going to share your article in the newsletter because it is such a vital part of the discussion.
The loss of my own self-contained identity as a person in my own right was one of the most challenging and unexpected struggles in my early years of motherhood. We don’t talk nearly enough about motherhood and grief. Not just grieving the loss of each iteration of our children as they grow older, but also grieving former versions of ourselves. Thank you for a beautiful story!
It really isn't talked about enough. As my daughter's birthday was approaching I was googling trying to find something that someone had written about the kind of grief I was experiencing but I couldn't find anything. Thank you for sharing :)
I’m a single mom of two kids and today is my daughter’s 21st birthday. It’s exhausting and some days I’m not even sure it’s worth it but we made it and I can’t imagine doing anything else.
This post is so raw and relatable, thank you for sharing it. In my coaching work with mothers the loss of self in motherhood is so palpable, and the systemic and societal barriers to mothers' flourishing so evident. My specialist subject, both personally (with my two kids aged 4 and 6) and professionally (through conducting MSc and subsequent research) is maternal guilt, and the ways in which the systems and institutions in which we are doing the work of mothering perpetuate the guilt we feel as mothers and contribute to the wellbeing crisis so many of us feel. I have a book coming out very soon about this topic which I hope will be useful to every mother who experiences guilt in their motherhood journey. Looking forward to reading more of your insightful and thoughtful posts.
My oldest baby just turned 18. The years really do fly by so fast. I do want to say that your note at the end about privilege really struck me because no matter how hard it all is I find myself doing the same thing, almost gaslighting myself because "at least I have all that I have in this stupid world we seem to live in". This is something I want to think about it, because although we might be privileged, we still feel pain, we still lose ourselves, we still grieve. This was a very profound post. I appreciate you sharing it, and your vulnerable feelings about this first year. It helps me to reflect on where I've been as a mother throughout these 18 years. I hope for you that you find yourself again. And yes, fuck the trump administration! They're going to make a lot of women's lives even worse than before. Awesome sauce.
Mine have left home and although they never really leave the gaps are very big to fill. It's another level of grief I honestly thought I was immune to and I thought that I was going to be different.
Motherhood is glorious, gargantuan, soul shifting, shit filled, awe-inspiring and sometimes awful. It's brutiful in all the ways, and mothers (of all kinds) are fucking warriors.
"Brutiful"... new favorite word. Yes.
It’s a Glennon Doyle word!
YES YES and YES!!!!
I can so relate and my baby is about to turn 19 :( and there are still times that I feel I am still failing. Thank you for sharing this and being so vulnerable. Incidentally, I am boob-deep in a discourse on motherhood on my podcast and some of these exact things are discussed. I'm going to share your article in the newsletter because it is such a vital part of the discussion.
And 19!!!!!!!
Thank you so much Tamara!!
The loss of my own self-contained identity as a person in my own right was one of the most challenging and unexpected struggles in my early years of motherhood. We don’t talk nearly enough about motherhood and grief. Not just grieving the loss of each iteration of our children as they grow older, but also grieving former versions of ourselves. Thank you for a beautiful story!
It really isn't talked about enough. As my daughter's birthday was approaching I was googling trying to find something that someone had written about the kind of grief I was experiencing but I couldn't find anything. Thank you for sharing :)
I’m a single mom of two kids and today is my daughter’s 21st birthday. It’s exhausting and some days I’m not even sure it’s worth it but we made it and I can’t imagine doing anything else.
Oh wow, 21!!! I hope you're doing alright but also congratulations. And that dichotomy is real... so hard but so incredible.
thanks for your beautiful reflection, and sharing my piece!
I love this so much and can truly relate to the grief of passing time and growing children. 😭
Also, love the love note to trump at the end 🖕🏼💗
haha thank you Brooke!
I cry every year my son gets older, and we're only at seven...still hasn't gotten easier with the grief. Beautifully written.
Ohhhh noooooo. It's SO hard!!!! And thank you Kate x
This post is so raw and relatable, thank you for sharing it. In my coaching work with mothers the loss of self in motherhood is so palpable, and the systemic and societal barriers to mothers' flourishing so evident. My specialist subject, both personally (with my two kids aged 4 and 6) and professionally (through conducting MSc and subsequent research) is maternal guilt, and the ways in which the systems and institutions in which we are doing the work of mothering perpetuate the guilt we feel as mothers and contribute to the wellbeing crisis so many of us feel. I have a book coming out very soon about this topic which I hope will be useful to every mother who experiences guilt in their motherhood journey. Looking forward to reading more of your insightful and thoughtful posts.
I am so glad you're doing this work!! Please share the link to your book!! And thank you for reading x
Thank you so much. The ebook is available now for a limited period only at just 99p: https://bit.ly/challenge_your_guilt_ebook
My oldest baby just turned 18. The years really do fly by so fast. I do want to say that your note at the end about privilege really struck me because no matter how hard it all is I find myself doing the same thing, almost gaslighting myself because "at least I have all that I have in this stupid world we seem to live in". This is something I want to think about it, because although we might be privileged, we still feel pain, we still lose ourselves, we still grieve. This was a very profound post. I appreciate you sharing it, and your vulnerable feelings about this first year. It helps me to reflect on where I've been as a mother throughout these 18 years. I hope for you that you find yourself again. And yes, fuck the trump administration! They're going to make a lot of women's lives even worse than before. Awesome sauce.
Thank you Alyse!! And haha awesome sauce!!! x
I have twins--they're 11 now, but I felt all of this about 10 years ago. I just want you to know you're right about all of it. Solidarity.
Thank youuuuu xx
Mine have left home and although they never really leave the gaps are very big to fill. It's another level of grief I honestly thought I was immune to and I thought that I was going to be different.
I can only imagine. We give so much and then they are out of the house living their own lives whaaaaaaaaaaaat. No.
Thank you for sharing. And I hope you're doing alright :)